A-Fraud

[beyond help]

What a premadonna jackoff. Now I have my kids asking me about what he did. Not only did he cheat, he's an ass. My son asked for his autograph before a game last year, and he completely ignored him, and gave me a dirty look as if I was bothering him. I remember when I was a kid, I was able to Nolan Ryan's signature, and he was nice enough to spend a few minutes with a few of us kids (even though he was in Detroit). Most guys back in the day would stick around and shoot the shit. It didn't matter who you were, most of those guys had class. Many players now are asking kids for money for a signature on a game program. I still have penant signed by 23 of the 25 Detroit Tigers in 1984 (last world series champs here). The only reason I was missing 2 was because it was the starting pitcher and catcher for that game (I have both their sigs on their baseball cards from that year). My son is now the owner of those. These guys would pass those articles for the kids around to get them signed. As an adult, I don't need their signature, but they are larger than life to my kid. I didn't care about how much the signature was worth, I just wanted to have that larger than life feeling just once.

I hope this prick doesn't get elected to the hall of fame on the 1st ballot. He deserves to be in, but he is still a classless POS.

[Wingfoot]

Talk about classless POS pro athletes, read what waiters/waitresses have to say about some of the scum that walk into their restaurants:

1. Tiger Woods is very cheap since he doesn't carry cash.

2. O.J. Simpson came in with Kato and about 6 others to the Panama City Beach restaurant I work at. They were polite but demanding and O.J. only left 10%. Guess he needed the money for a knife..........

3. Tony Dorsett, one of the football greats of all time, gets drunk, cusses out customers, and treats people very badly. Tony has to be the rudest, most disturbing customer ever served - no tip! A little 12 year old boy came up to Tony with a football and asked him by name "Mr. Dorsett, will you sign my football please?" Tony told this kid to go f*** himself! How much more rude and classless can one get???

4. Mark McGwire once walked out on a $40 bill, forcing teammate Tom Lampkin to pay for the meal. No word of how Lampkin tipped.

5. Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson - the pro-wrestler was a customer of mine at a well-known steak-house in Kansas City that has been in business for 50 years. He called ahead and asked for the restaurant to open early to accommodate him, as he was trying to avoid fans. I got to be the lucky fool who had to open and set-up for this joker. He ran me with with this little complaint, ten refills on his soda, too much butter on his garlic toast, etc. The whole ordeal was hardly worth the lousy $7.00 tip I got. While this did average to be about 25%, I would think that a man that has dolls and watches in his likeness could have tossed at least a $20 for the extra time and service. This guy is not a "Rock" to me, just a cheap pebble.

6. Scottie Pippen, AKA Stiffin-Pippen, was recently in a sports bar that was not carrying a boxing match on TV due to it's high cost ($750.00). When Scottie heard this he offered to pay the tab for the fight, so the owner ordered it. Apparently the fight only went a couple of rounds. Scottie reneged on his offer, claiming he wouldn't pay because he didn't get his "money's worth." After much haggling, the owner ended up splitting it with him. What a schmuck!

7. A waiter tells of a semi-regular guest, the former heavy weight boxing champion, James "Buster" Douglas. Buster always comes in with around 8-9 kids, his wife, and a few of his buddies. They all order New York strip steaks, 16 oz prime rib, or full racks of Danish baby back ribs. The bill is usually in the $200 range; they take up 4-5 tables (booths actually, because they need room to stretch out in).... and.... tip.... oh MAYBE $10, that's if you're a good server.

8. I worked at a bar where the Dallas Cowboys frequented. The trouble making ones. (you know who I mean) I had carried out 5 trays of food for 3 of them that were eating. Got them countless alcoholic drinks and I got 3 dollars!!!!! Cheap arrogant bastards!!!!!

9. I waited on Barry Switzer at the Dallas branch of a Chicago Steakhouse when he was head coach of the Cowboys. It was his birthday, and the GM comped his meal (about $200 bucks) and the somfabitch stiffed me!

10. The worst tipper was Marcellus Wiley of the Dallas Cowboys. Marcellus placed an order that ran over $700, and dropped me $20. It took me forever to make all the crap he ordered, and I was neglecting other customers the whole time because he ordered nonsense fruity girly drinks for himself and his whole crew. He was released the next season because he sucked.

11. Phillip Fulmer (Head Football Coach, Univ. of TN) came into a restaurant on "The Strip" with his wife and three kids one night. Phil is an ass, his wife is a BITCH and his kids reflected precisely the sort of people their parents are. Kids ate free at that restaurant so the total bill for the table (a five top) was $18.52 (this has been a few years). After kissing his ass, her ass and putting up with the brats, I received a whopping $1.50 for the tip! Y'know, Phil.... You're a Head Coach for a nationally recognized football program. Your salary is published in the damn paper (working for a state institution makes your salary public domain). It's bad enough you're an idiot, and your wife is a bitch and your kids are a pain in the ass...I guess coughing up a decent tip is just too much for you. A-hole!

12. John Randle, a defensive lineman for the Minnesota Vikings, came into a descent live music venue in Minneapolis and ordered a round of drinks that added up to about $30.00. I has just heard the valet guys saying how he tipped them $40.00 just for parking his car. On the thirty dollar tab he tips me twenty seven cents and some pocket lint. Another Millionaire cheap-skate.

13. Allen Iverson, professional basketball player for the Detroit Pistons, threw his bachelor party in a private room at Philadelphia (while he played with the 76er's) with around 20-25 people. Allen ran the waitress, was very particular, very demanding with ever-changing requests. His mother paid the initial bill (food and all the alcohol drank to that point) and then she left. However, the very loud and crude crew continued to drink for a period of time after mommy left. At which point, most of the guests left. A.I., and four of his posse, decided to leave without paying the remaining bill (which was just over $200.00.) When the manager met them by the front door. A.I. threw 2 one hundred dollar bills on the floor and walked out pissed (he didn't think he should be charged). He also doesn't like to be waited on by anyone other than a hot African-American woman. I had many hot African-American friends who were servers there that informed me of that fact. He also expected to be treated differently in Philly; i.e. parking in handicapped spots wherever he goes... especially at T.G.I.Fridays on City Line Avenue. I RUN from him. Not cause I'm afraid.... Only because I'm disgusted.

14. DERRICK COLEMAN - 76er basketball STAR - came into a Philadelphia restaurant with 5 other people. They drank champagne and assorted cordials... Ate appetizers and meals. Their servers were a set of twins... It was their first night serving at the restaurant. The bill was $700.00 and he tipped $20.00. Nuf said.

15. This happened a few years ago - the year the Bucs won the Super Bowl - I worked at restaurant in Ybor City which is a heavy party area in South Tampa. Derrick Brooks came into my restaurant, which is a place that doesn't have anything on the menu over $7. My manager bought his meal for him and thanked him for coming. Brooks scoffed, rolled his eyes, and walked out without tipping! Every time I hear how much the city loves him, it kills me.... I am sure that most of what he does is for good publicity, and not because he's actually a good guy.

And the GRAND FINALE:

Peyton Manning lived across the street from a diner I worked at in Knoxville when he was playing college ball and was a regular (4 or 5 day a week) customer. Never have I seen such grace and patience. I had a regular customer that had followed me from one restaurant to the next for years. I mean I KNEW this woman and her family. One morning Peyton was in for breakfast (massive applause as he walked in, had beaten a conference rival the night before) and she asked me to ask him for an autograph. I was a little uncomfortable with the prospect, after all, he had been coming in regularly for a long time and I had never asked him for anything like that. She gave me two pieces of paper, one for each of her boys, and I agreed to ask him to sign them for her. When I approached him and explained what was going on, and that she was a friend of mine (understand I waited on him rather frequently) he shoved the papers back at me and said "Tell her to come over here". I explained to him that she didn't really want to interrupt his meal, and if he didn't want to do it then she would respect that decision. He looked me dead in the eye and said "Send her over here". I of course relayed the message and she (timidly) approached the table. She was immediately invited to sit in the booth next to him and they talked for around 20 minutes. Yes, she got her autographs, each personalized with her boys' names, and a hug to boot. Peyton was always a polite customer, genuinely interested in the people around him and an overly generous tipper. But I think this one event is what cemented my respect for him. I don't have his autograph (I never asked except that once) but the memories are worth far more to me.

Read more stories by waiter & waitresses:

---------------------------------------------------------