"Theoretical" question....

**2RUDE** · September 23rd, 2010, 11:34 PM

I'd like to get an objective opinion on this, so I'll pose it as a theoretical question.

As a locator, you're out working one day on a highway job, and a co-worker is helping you out as it's a 4-5 mile job, 4 lane highway, and there's utilities involved in 3-4 locations along this corridor.

Anyways, you get the job wrapped up and are sitting in your truck billing out the ticket, your eyes on your computer screen. In the meantime your co-worker is standing next to the truck talking to you.

The next thing you know, your co-worker is cut off mid-sentence, you hear a loud crunch,and it feels like a hurricane just blew through the window of your truck. You turn to the window and co-worker is gone. You look out the windshield, and see a coal truck veer off onto the berm, come to a stop, and begin backing up. It still hasn't dawned on you, what just happened... BUT, you wonder to yourself, "Where the **** did XXX go?".

Now, you stick your head out the window, and you see feet sticking out from in front of your truck. You jump out of your truck, run up to your co-worker, grab his arm, shake him, yell at him, his eyes are open, but there's no response.... Then you notice an ungodly amount of blood coming out from under them.

Your co-worker is pronounced dead at the hospital, leaving behind his wife and two teenage sons.

Now, Fast-forward 7-8 months...... A benefit is scheduled for your co-worker golf/dinner, etc. , for
3-4 months into the future. A blanket e-mail is sent out to all employees.

Fast-forward again 3-4 months, the day of the benefit. You talk to your supervisor that day, and after whatever issue is resolved on the phone, he says he has to go as he's at the benefit for above mentioned co-worker, but tells you to stop by after work, as he thinks their having dinner around six.....

Now, "theoretically" does anyone think it would of been proper to remind the fellow employees of this benefit a little nearer to the date of the event? , or would one be off base to be pissed off about this?

"Theoretically", you think to yourself this fellows family must think you're a real piece of shit for not showing up to said benefit.....

"Theoretically", You wonder to yourself if management didn't think the tickets took priority.....

"Theoretically", You think to yourself every ****ing day, "I wish I had just called in sick that day, like I was going to, and he'd still be alive".....

**Dave72** · September 24th, 2010, 12:29 AM

Wow 2Rude.. thats some story. Sorry to hear about that.

Ok, objectively.. Yep the Super was an A for booking you when he knew the benefit was there. They should have made a hole there etc. Its possible he forgot until the day previous and the jobs were already booked. Possibly you could have requested time off early enough.
Remembering things (even if its to look far enough ahead in the sched) is a biatch. I just started as my group's super, and its a real nightmare to try and remember things far enough in advance sometimes (ya almost need a reminder for a reminder for a reminder)
So, thats a toss up.

Dont look at the what-if's on it. Life is too complex and fleeting to try and operate in a what-if mode.

Re: the family.. if the 1 year anniversary hasnt passed yet, plan something for that. Make it not company related.
It doesnt have to be big. Heck, find out whats happening locally, like some walkathon or whatever. Do it in his name.
There's lots of charities, you could even donate (or get some of the other guys to pitch in) in his name (the family will get a card saying a donation was made by xx etc

Hope things work out..

**sprayandpray** · September 24th, 2010, 06:34 AM

Why would it be the Supervisor's job to remind you of this?

**Mke** · September 24th, 2010, 09:42 AM

I'm split on this. A good super would of reminded a week out to give you enough time to prepare for said benefit. Don't think that the widow or her sons are thinkin about what an ass you are for not showing up.....with all likelyhood they are not. If they are not still in their grieving period, they might have the forsight that you may be having some issues dealing with the loss. Being that close to a tradgedy you have the "get out of Jail free" card to do what ever you want to in order to cope. I would however send card or what nots.

Mke

**[HAF]Foxtrot** · September 24th, 2010, 12:19 PM

Sorry to hear about this. I couldn't even begin to think about this happening and what I would even do if it did. This is tragic and something no person should have to endure.

**sauroke** · September 24th, 2010, 01:06 PM

2rude,
I think you are being too hard on yourself. It's not your fault that he was there, the blame goes to the driver of that truck for not paying attention. No family would think you are a piece of dung either for not being there.
I do agree with you about the super letting you know about the benefit, that should have been the first thing on their mind, especially if they are there, and telling you to show up late. No work load could ever be more important than being there for a friend in need.
I have alot of problems remembering certain dates and things, so I set up reminders on my phone, dates, times, meetings, etc. to ensure I have an idea of what's going on...if it weren't for that, I'd probably forget my birthday!
I agree with Mke, but I would hand deliver a card to the family, and let them know that if they need anything to give you a call.
My hat goes off to you for caring, at least some of us in the world still do.

**yahoo** · September 24th, 2010, 02:28 PM

there is no easy answer to your theoretical question. I am sure everything will work out for you and the family of deceased! sorry for lack of better input 2RUDE!

**boozerr** · September 24th, 2010, 04:52 PM

Being that I used to work in PA with this company and know the morons called management I will reply. Management is most important, screw the field people who actually provide them with a check. The work WAS most important since PA is falling apart with the loss of Dominion work plus several others, add in contracts going out to bid at end of this year. Personally Rude, I think of any field personnel you should have been there the entire time due to what you experienced and from what I was told you and the deceased were close friends. Also realize locators were needed in field but exception with you could have been made. This is just another example of how far PA and said company has fallen and it is a shame that nothing has improved since I moved on. Don't beat yourself up, what happened was a tragic ACCIDENT which you had no control over. Think of the good memories with this individual and I bet you and him will have a good laugh, him from above and you from down here. Good Luck Bro'

**2RUDE** · September 24th, 2010, 08:38 PM

Originally Posted by sprayandpray

Why would it be the Supervisor's job to remind you of this?

I never should of posted this. Sometimes I just don't know when to keep my mouth shut.

Maybe I should of specified, when you think you're all half-assed friends, as in YOU, your supervisor, and the deceased, who were all locators in the same crew for 3-4 years, maybe you expect more.

Maybe the problem is I just read way too much into everything...

Maybe I should of mustered up the balls to address him directly with this, rather than let him read it on here....

**Mke** · September 24th, 2010, 10:17 PM

hmmm, I don't think this is going to end well.

Mke

**yahoo** · September 25th, 2010, 09:10 PM

I didn't realize this took place in Texas! ????

**Waltdavis** · October 6th, 2010, 12:44 AM

Originally Posted by 2RUDE

I never should of posted this. Sometimes I just don't know when to keep my mouth shut.

Maybe I should of specified, when you think you're all half-assed friends, as in YOU, your supervisor, and the deceased, who were all locators in the same crew for 3-4 years, maybe you expect more.

Maybe the problem is I just read way too much into everything...

Maybe I should of mustered up the balls to address him directly with this, rather than let him read it on here....

You spoke what was on your mind and you should have no regrets. Karma will come full circle Rude and when it does try not to be standing next to your sup. Its a shame anyone would have to experience this though, your in my thoughts and prayers.

**gypsygirl** · October 9th, 2010, 07:07 AM

No easy answer on this Rude.. I agree though.. this was NOT your fault, it WAS an ACCIDENT.. that being said it does not make it any easier to deal with. This is a terrible tradgedy all the way around. I do think however there should have been a little more consideration given to you in this matter. My question though would be: did you communicate or did you totally bottle everything up? I only ask that because if you bottled it all up then that may have been misunderstood. I don't know... this is just something no one should have to deal with. So sorry Rude.

**1idejim** · October 9th, 2010, 11:13 PM

defining moments occur in life, how you handle them will determine how you live the rest of your life. a man passed on in an accident, accidents of some degree happen all the time. this was a bad one for sure but it could have been worse, your friend could have been hurt so severely that he may have never know another day with dignity.

terrible thing is that you are a survivor and have survivor guilt, put this to bed and go on with your life and don't just survive this, live your life like there is no tomorrow. if you feel that you need to speak to the family, do it, they won't care why because they'll know you care.

i speak from experience.