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Thread: A Recipe For Destruction: How to make yourself let out a 5 second full-force fart, every 15 minutes, throughout a workday.

  1. #1
    Senior Member scap's Avatar
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    Default A Recipe For Destruction: How to make yourself let out a 5 second full-force fart, every 15 minutes, throughout a workday.

    Warning: This is a proven method, and works 100%. Do not eat this combination of meals/beverages unless you seriously want to unleash a 5-second, full force fart every ten to fifteen minutes, that not only smells horrific, but lingers like no other fart..(Look ahead at your ticketload and time the Recipe for Destruction for the contractors who are most annoying, and homeowners 'planting 1 shrub' etc)


    A Recipe For Destruction: by scap
    --------------------------
    The other day, I ate a combination of foods and beverages that resulted in me having a 5 second, full force fart every 15 minutes or so, throughout the workday. It was a direct result of the following meals/beverages in a 24 hour period.

    Breakfast- macaroni and cheese. multivitamin afterwards, +coffee.

    lunch- China king. (mongolian chicken+fried rice+2 egg rolls)

    Dinner- 10 bud lights premeal, + seasoned boiled cabbage, + hot chili + massive chunk of cheesy, jalapeno cornbread.(no idea why I ate that for dinner..it just happened)

    Eat a multivitamin then goto bed with some Ovaltine+ milk.

    Next morning:

    Breakfast: Massive chunk of cheesy, jalapeno cornbread with butter on top of it, (enough to stuff a 250lb man.)

    Before you call me a dirty dude, understand that periodic farting can help a locator's production significantly. most locators are nice people. If a lady or an old guy talks to you or catches you in their yard, you end up shooting the breeze, killing production. With my revolutionary plan, you might have to chat for a second...but only a second, as shortly thereafter you will release a massive, 5 second full force fart, that will make anyone end a conversation and leave you be...the entire area will smell like a paper mill...---TRUST ME, THEY LINGER... Once you master the 'hold' technique, you will be able to unleash it on the most unsuspecting victims.

    I recommend leaving your driver's side window rolled down during traveling.
    "The truth is rarely pure and never simple"-Oscar Wilde

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    Senior Member TBONE's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Recipe For Destruction: How to make yourself let out a 5 second full-force fart, every 15 minutes, throughout a workday.


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    Senior Member beyond help's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Recipe For Destruction: How to make yourself let out a 5 second full-force fart, every 15 minutes, throughout a workday.

    I need the laugh, and yes, I see this working, but also at home.
    STRESS: The confusion created when one's mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the living daylights out of some idiot who desperately deserves it.

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    Senior Member big boots mcghee's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Recipe For Destruction: How to make yourself let out a 5 second full-force fart, every 15 minutes, throughout a workday.

    No way, dude. I'm leaving the window up so I can savor the flavor.
    My boots may be red but I'm no clown.

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    Senior Member Dave72's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Recipe For Destruction: How to make yourself let out a 5 second full-force fart, every 15 minutes, throughout a workday.

    Id be worried one of them would come out loaded instead of a blank.

    (May you live in interesting times)

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    Senior Member sprayandpray's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Recipe For Destruction: How to make yourself let out a 5 second full-force fart, every 15 minutes, throughout a workday.

    You lost me with the Cabbage but I love Jalapeno Cornbread with Pinto Beans.
    I might not be as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was !


    It's better to be Pissed Off than Pissed On or Stood On and Pissed Off Of !


    The views expressed on this website/blog are mine alone and do not reflect the views of my employer. or my wife , if that matters.

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    Senior Member yahoo's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Recipe For Destruction: How to make yourself let out a 5 second full-force fart, every 15 minutes, throughout a workday.

    scap.....i wonder how you will not make the perfect locater!!!!! hahahhahahhahah that was classic dude !!!! redneck hall of fame almost
    wise men talk because they have something to say and fools because they have to say something....plato

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    Default Re: A Recipe For Destruction: How to make yourself let out a 5 second full-force fart, every 15 minutes, throughout a workday.

    Thanks! I laughed so hard, I cried!

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    Senior Member Bubba's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Recipe For Destruction: How to make yourself let out a 5 second full-force fart, every 15 minutes, throughout a workday.

    Lobster and Guiness does the same thing for me. I am like a walking chemical bomb for days.
    "It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip someone the bird"

    Hey.........pull my finger!!!!!!!!!!

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    Senior Member USIC1's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Recipe For Destruction: How to make yourself let out a 5 second full-force fart, every 15 minutes, throughout a workday.

    And yall wonder why we cant attract some women around here...



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    Senior Member scap's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Recipe For Destruction: How to make yourself let out a 5 second full-force fart, every 15 minutes, throughout a workday.

    Quote Originally Posted by yahoo View Post
    scap.....i wonder how you will not make the perfect locater!!!!! hahahhahahhahah that was classic dude !!!! redneck hall of fame almost
    I am not a redneck.



    edit-ps- wanna buy my 77 civic?

    hehe
    Last edited by scap; January 21st, 2009 at 08:45 PM.
    "The truth is rarely pure and never simple"-Oscar Wilde

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    Senior Member scap's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Recipe For Destruction: How to make yourself let out a 5 second full-force fart, every 15 minutes, throughout a workday.

    I'm glad some of you got a laugh out of the thread. I thought it was pretty funny the day I did it, and I told a friend I was thinking about making a thread about it... So, I made a thread about it. Hopefully I don't end up like Chicagoman, and have my regional manager call me personally and tell me to not post here anymore, due to my vulgure topic preferences!!!
    "The truth is rarely pure and never simple"-Oscar Wilde

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    Senior Member Wingfoot's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Recipe For Destruction: How to make yourself let out a 5 second full-force fart, every 15 minutes, throughout a workday.

    Monday I ate an onion burger for lunch and an onion casserole for supper. Tuesday I had an onion pizza for lunch. I was enjoying my Tuesday night dinner with my family at the dining room table, sitting on my hardwood chair. Two days of onion methane gas cleared the room within seconds. My family said they could feel the vibration through the floorboards.

    --------------------------------------------------

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    Senior Member 6feetunder's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Recipe For Destruction: How to make yourself let out a 5 second full-force fart, every 15 minutes, throughout a workday.

    NICE!!!
    Life's a garden, dig it! - Joe Dirt

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    Senior Member sprayandpray's Avatar
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    Default Re: A Recipe For Destruction: How to make yourself let out a 5 second full-force fart, every 15 minutes, throughout a workday.

    I have found 'Instant Farts' - is is Russell Stover's Sugar Free Candies. 1 individually wrapped small piece is worth at least 3-5 farts within 1 hour of consumption. Amazing!
    I might not be as good as I once was, but I'm as good once as I ever was !


    It's better to be Pissed Off than Pissed On or Stood On and Pissed Off Of !


    The views expressed on this website/blog are mine alone and do not reflect the views of my employer. or my wife , if that matters.

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